Mediation? Never again...

Mediation is supposed to be the civilized way to end a marriage: cheaper, faster, and less fraught than a traditional lawyer vs. lawyer battle in front of a judge. Being, we assumed, civilized people, this is what we decided to do. That was in 2005, four years ago.

Mediation might work if you have two reasonable people who want a quick and equitable division of assets and to move on with their lives. But if you have one party who really wants a punitive divorce in the old Hollywood style---she gets the house, the cash, the car, and the husband pays to keep her in her “accustomed lifestyle” for the rest of his days, then mediation is a waste of time, and becomes a pointless exercise in one person trying to talk the other into agreeing to something that is either unfair or detrimental to their financial or physical health, probably through a process of simply wearing them down to the point of complete indifference. Ironically, we thought mediation would be less expensive than a court battle, which we were told would cost about $50,000 per person, and since one of the big sticking points between us is Julie’s refusal to share the cost of college education for our sons, spending $100,000 between us to argue about $75,000 in tuition did seem ridiculous. But now---four years later---that the cost of mediators, therapists, and lawyers vetting the mediated agreement has passed the $50,000 line (at least for me), suddenly the court battle looks more appealing, and would’ve been faster and possibly even cheaper. There will be no more divorces for me, but I wouldn’t do mediation again, and wouldn’t recommend it to anybody, at least anybody where at least one of the parties involved is vindictive and untrustworthy and unable to stick to an agreed-upon point for more than 48 hours (and often less).